Monday, June 6thwas Court Day! Our driver is scheduled to arrive at 9:30 for our visitation with Shea. By 9:10am we received the call that we could leave our suitcases in the apartment, wear non court clothes and go see our boy for the last visit of this trip. We were asked to then be ready for our next pickup at the apartment by 1:00. Hmmm, we did the math. If we did our full visit until noon with Shea, got back to the apartment by 12:30 barring any traffic problems, that would give us 30 min to hike all those stairs, eat, get presentable for court, and haul our luggage back down all those stairs. Dan and I decided this would be cutting it to close for comfort so we said goodbye to Shea at 11:30 on this day.
Saying goodbye to him was a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, to me it signifies the next step in the process and being a little closer to having this adventure complete…with him in my home. On the other hand, I’m so looking forward to holding Simon and Danielle…. But will certainly worry about Shea while away from him.
As for Shea, he handled it all well. He was cheerful and did not have tears or anguish! He was actually quite distracted by his shovel and bucket as we were giving him his goodbye talk. They all say he’s understanding what’s happening….but how much can a 4 ½ really process?? I’m not sure. I held it together and was strong…until saying goodbye to the little boy in his grouppa with CP. I’m so afraid that by the time I return, he will have been transferred to the institution. They tell me it will happen shortly…does that mean a week? A month? ½ a year? I have no way of knowing right now.
He grabbed me and hugged and hugged….he looked into my eyes and then hugged more. We did this for probably a full minute or more - I think the nannies must have wondered what this was all about…. While wanting to hold him much longer, we peeled ourselves away and waited at “the gate” for our driver to arrive….trying not to look back.
Readers…. If any of you have had adoption in the back of your mind…is it time to bring it to the front? I know, I know…. Not enough time, energy, money, skill, and on and on…..Dan and I have all these same fears and limits….but what I do know is the yearning I could feel from this boy…. The warm sweet breath on my cheek….his “mama, mama” repeated over and over…. I pray that someone gets brave very soon and says YES for the sake of this little one who is breaking my heart.
Will I miss Shea? Yes, of course I will…. But in my mind I know he is now safe. No institution for Shea! TODAY he became Shea Matthew Kulp!! Today he became our son! I know there is hope for him…and this brings me great joy! For the little man I’ve mentioned above… his hope is fading….. So my friends you see how conflicted my heart is.
Regardless, I’ve promised the details of court…I will tell the nitty gritty after I get a shower, a meal and a rest… it is actually june 7th now and we are back in Kyiv, and have a couple of hours before our consulate appnt…
Love - Dan and Liz (thankful for ALL the prayers of support)