I'm sitting down to prepare for teaching sunday school this weekend... I'm a few sentences into the lesson book and i think some of this might be for me, and for anyone who is weary. For those of you who have faith and know God is powerful and the maker of miracles.... but what feel of late is far from what you know to be true.
I know God works all things together for good....but i don't always feel that way lately.
I know God is the maker of miracles.... but i don't always feel sure we'll get one.
I know God counts the hairs on our head and cares for us deeply.... but i don't always feel convinced
I know all current struggles are, later, for a reason that God understands .... but I don't feel like being encouraged by that at this very moment.
I know if God hadn't placed our children in a family and in this family, that their health, well being and even life would have been at risk.... but I still feel at times like i haven't protected them from harm.
Gasp, shock, oh me, oh my.... did a PW just write those things? Sorry... yep, i did.
It's a good thing I value the truth and knowledge of what I know over the emotions that I feel. None the less....feeling those things aren't fun.
This is the update I shared yesterday on the next step for Shea and our family...
Starting over... i'm sad and frustrated to report that our shea has had bad news. Thursday night his repair site failed and for a second time we could see his screw at the base of his woundbed. This time a fever is present also. After today's appnts with Dr Sanders, xrays, lab work and a pending MRI we have a plan that we aren't very excited about. There is no safe way to remove the most problematic screws while keeping the spine stable and the cord safe. The junction between the t/spine and the l/spine has shifted. This needs to be fixed to realign his spinal column, this means longer rods, a revision of the original surgery that occurred in june, another significant hospital stay, more weeks out of school, and more months in the back brace 24/7. We would love your prayers for his spirits and our family's strength. This surgery may happen next week.
So I'll keep on preparing for Sunday School and see what it has to tell me (you/us)....
From Numbers 13 and 14.
The Isrealites worried that their enemies were bigger and badder than they really were. ( yup I do that ) They grumbled and were discontent and wondered about past decisions ( yup I do that too).
Moses interceded for the Isrealites on their behalf ( i have people doing that for us). Moses taught that by losing trust in God during the hard times, they were losing sight of the many miracles that had brought them to this very point in life ( check, check, guilty... )
Joshua and Caleb did not give in to doubt or self pity and they were rewarded. ( yes please,God show me how, sign me up )
God kept his promises ( I know He will. Now my prayer is let me feel like He will for my son)
You may have to work for, and claim the reward that God has promised, you can't be passive or lacking courage, and you also have to realize God will help you through this. ( noted! )
God calls on his people to have courage and stand their ground. ( yes God, I will )
We are reminded that we can't understand God's reasons, things won't make sense to us now. ( I can certainly confirm that )
God tells us we will face "giants" of fear. He guarantees us that we will face "giants" of challenge that will make us feel near defeat, uncourageous or less than sure footed. He also tells us we can destroy those giants with his help, or if we are too weak he may just stomp on that giant for us. ( thank you Lord, keep telling me again and again, I'm a little slow sometimes... maybe i need an IEP too )
Thank you God for using what I am suppossed to teach the children on Sunday, to speak to our circumstances right now. I hope this applies and encourages some of you who may be reading also...
Until we meet again... kill the giants.