... weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. When I felt secure, I said, "I will never be shaken." Psalm 30:5b and 6
Last night I went to bed feeling discouraged...I shared with Dan. I was very happy and grateful that 4 more donors had stepped forward for Beatrice's sake, and her grant was 200 dollars larger than it had been one day prior...
but....
I had put my hopes up very high...
I thought I may have 100's of "shares"
I thought I may have seen scores of donors...
I was hoping for something magical...
Then there was a lull... and when I went to bed, I was discouraged for Beatrice. I have no idea why God had now laid this soul so heavily on my heart. It's consuming, and honestly at times when God does this to me I wish he wouldn't...because it hurts my heart to have thoughts in my mind that never stop about a sweet child I have never seen, smelled, touched... but it's not for me to understand, and God has told me to get to work for this little girl.
Consumed? what do I mean by that? The very first thought I had in the morning was to "check on Beatrice...so that's what I did. Before I have even wiped the sleep from my eyes, or moved a limb out of bed, I grabbed my phone and checked her FSP. Morning can be stressful in our home to say the least, a million potties...beds to change, spills to be wiped, meds to pass, braces to don,... by the time the fourth child is completed, the first child has undone everything and we start all over again. We've been known to say it takes an act of congress to get our family out of the house in the morning, even if it's just to go to the playground!... but my despair was turned to joy before I even rolled out of bed in the morning. 600 more dollars had been raised, and we were now up to 800 dollars since late thursday night!
Consumed? All day I've felt I was being told to write this entry... but who has time while juggling this family on a saturday? You all know I can be a tad ocd... but yet here I sit... lunch messes still on the floor of the diningroom, some dishes in the sink, danielle has snuck a bag of marshmallows out of the cupboard, and emily is napping...instead of my mad dash to get working on all the things in the home that call to me... I am writing as I feel it is needed for sweet Beatrice.
Every click of a donation brings a child closer to a family. Adoption of a child, especially a child with special needs from a foreign land can be daunting. The financial impact of an adoption can be even more daunting. Taking away one of the major fears...the cost... often gives that family who is nervous on various fronts the courage to trust God, trust that they will be equipped, and say "YES". (Trust me... been there, done that!)
Again last night, in the "wee hours" Emily woke ( Emily who is just months older than Beatrice), called for mamma. A mamma came and soothed her so that she could drift back to sleep. During the day Emily had sniffed in deeply the aroma of lilacs, and gotten dandelion fuzz up her nose ( something that Beatrice might one day be able to do if she is given a surgery to reconstruct the cartiledge of her nose ), Emily was able to be hugged tight after scraping a knee, and her tears were wiped away ( does Beatrice even produce tears? we don't know what she anatomy she has where healthy eyes should be, but someday they could be cared for and monitored, and followed by doctors who would do all that they could ).
Emily had the chance to see a picture of Beatrice on the computer, she stopped and looked, and pointed, .... she did not say "baby" or "pretty" or "gentle" as she normally does when she spots another babe... She said "EMILY". My daughter, saw herself in Beatrice... just as I do.
That is why I'm consumed. Beatrice should have a momma just as emily does... and all the wonderful shakes in life that our kids do...
I'm out of steam here... please go to this link and donate
... after you do this, please share it, share it, share it...and then pray... hard...
Beatrice needs more advocates than this one consumed mommy who has so much on her plate... I will take your help eagerly! Thank you...
Liz, Dan, Simon, Danielle, Shea and Emily Kulp....
I, too, am consumed with wanting this little girl adopted! I pray for her daily. The Lord has put her so strongly on our hearts, too!
ReplyDeleteBless you and let's all keep praying!
~Anne